Divorce is never easy for families, but did you know it can have a profound effect on our mental health?
One study found that divorce puts depression, anxiety and even alcoholism at increased risk. Men are at a higher risk of developing major depression for the first time compared to women, and one study found that 40 per cent of men who sought psychological help after a divorce or separation had suicidal thoughts.
So what can men – and anyone going through a divorce or separation – do to protect their mental health during this unfortunate life-changing time?
One method that others have shared as useful is to visualise where you want to be in one, three or five years’ time.
Because once you have that image in your mind, stay focused on it and imagine that you’re already through the process, living in a home where you can spend quality time with your children and loved ones, have enough income to live comfortably, and can get along and share a room with your ex. Don’t be a burden or a worry to your children.
If both parties can have this perspective, they are less likely to overreact to the triggers and pressures that arise during the divorce process and ultimately have a better chance of getting the successful outcome they want because they don’t dwell on the negative details and because looking ahead allows them to develop a realism that allows them to accept the inevitable compromises that will lead to a robust and satisfying settlement.
One study found that 60 per cent of divorcees enjoyed spending time on hobbies, 50 per cent improved their relationships with family and friends, and 65 per cent said their outlook on life in general had improved.
Starting a new life will enable you to meet other people and help you re-establish yourself after separation. It cannot be emphasised enough how easy it is for both partners to fall into a cycle of misery if there are no external diversions. In this regard, people who work full-time or part-time are more likely to fall into this cycle of misery because their jobs mean they are distracted. But it also means making sure you have something to do in your free time.
These people often masquerade as helpful and supportive, but in reality, there is something in your situation that is fuelling them, and these people tend to make your situation worse rather than better. Their helpful support and advice can turn negative, and they can exacerbate the animosity between you and your ex-partner.
Because at a time when everyone needs to be relied upon, there is suddenly such unwavering support, but if you don’t know the person well, sometimes it’s important to step back and listen to whether the advice the person is giving you is helping, hindering or worsening the situation.
